I don’t know what to quite expect, but my step father and I had a bit of a falling out. I wrote a lot of truth and had to hit home on him with what he’s been doing. I got no clue what my own fate will be. He turned into someone quite inexcusable that can’t be dealt with. He had no business insulting me this morning like he did either. He needs help and he won’t get it. I’m just at a lost.
It sucks how god awful pathetic this whole world became. How too many people have to victimize other people. Does it really matter if we are victims by sex, by religion, by education, by neglect, by politics, by the law. It all becomes the exact same thing. We only change the players or the names.
Thus, people like me who fight tooth and nail to do the right thing, end up hurt and suffering by such things like hate and ignorance. My step father has grown too ignorant for his own good. Has no business taking it out on myself, and my mom like he does. All bark and he best not bite. Too many physical health problems for him to try.
This world isn’t like it use to be. People won’t work other people like they should. People cannot take care of themselves like they want to. I know. I’m one of those people sadly.
I border on demanding my rights to be able to take care of myself. No one has answers to my problems. Everywhere and on all levels. Debts are too high (which mind you there are plenty of people out there with debts so much worst than me) pay is too low and hours are not steady enough. This world is very evil indeed. I also can’t consolidate my loans. I can’t get better work. I can’t make my money work hard for me. My wishes and drives in life have been blocked against my will and my whim. I can’t seem to find that correct nitch that will be my very own to have.
I would love to have my money work hard for me. I can’t network like I need to. I just don’t have the pull. Then there is the problem of my parents, namely my step father, who only knows and hears what he wants. Too old school thought, too stuck in yesterday’s time. I can’t win.
So I don’t know how all this will eventually disfuse. I’ll wait and see. For now the terms seem neutral. I know better. He’ll stick to what he knows, and that sadly is ignorance.
What really pains and scars me is this. When who I am and what I am allowed to be are two completely different things. It can be more painful than any physical torture out there. I know I am not perfect. I know I make mistakes. I at least try. I do what I can to make my life better. Too many others told me no. Too many others refuse to let me live my very own life. I cannot live alone. but I am also being force to. What is a guy suppose to do?
Tags: abuse, can not win, falling out, hate, hope, ignorance, life, personal, step dad, stubborn, work
